We’ve already looked at the 8 student stereotypes you’ll meet at uni, but it’s not just students you’ll have to meet. This is our look at the worst 6 professors you’ll also have to deal with.
The Scatter Brain
Judging by The Scatter Brain’s flitting about the classroom and general forgetfulness, you’d be forgiven for thinking their mind’s been frazzled by too many years on the job. But no, The Scatter Brain was just born that way. They’re the ones asking, ‘so which chapter were we looking at again?’ Even if you’re one of The Scatter Brain’s favourites, they’ll still forget your name. On the plus side, they’re usually one of the nicest types of professors, and will write up glowing references for you if you decide to continue on to an MA. Y’know, if they remember it.
The Slave Driver
Don’t cross The Slave Driver. No, seriously, it’s not worth it. Your grades will start to suffer, and you’ll find that you’re the one chosen to describe, in detail, the prevalent themes of the set texts. Every. Week. And don’t you dare confess to not reading the books (Or even just the plot synopses on SparkNotes) because nothing enrages The Slave Driver more than someone who’s taken the easy way out. Slave Drivers use psychological warfare to keep you on your toes – you’ll let your guard down when they’re smiling, but those smiles will never last. It’s a lot like an abusive relationship, without the cuddles after the beating.
You’re not at uni to study, you fools. You’re there for The Narcissist. Why else would you choose their class? This professor swans around like they’re the star of the show – in their heads at least. Chances are they completely failed as a novelist, but hey, it’s not their fault if the publishing world failed to acknowledge their genius, is it? The Narcissist won’t have a problem with giving their favourite students (read: boot-lickers) better grades, and deadline extensions. For the rest of us, well, smile, nod, and try to look suitably impressed with all the tales they’ll definitely-definitely tell about how awesome their personal life is and the time they met Brian Cox when he was still in D:Ream.
The Rookie (and The Substitute)
If you’re gonna go out on the razz, make sure you schedule it for the night before The Rookie’s class. There’s nothing worse than being hung-over in The Slave Driver’s class, but with The Rookie it’s a breeze. And so long as you don’t seriously take advantage, you can get away with murder. Ok, not actual murder – last time we checked that was still illegal. But The Rookie is so new they’ll do anything to make you like them just to survive the day. Same applies for those holy days when your class is led by part-timers like The Substitute.
If you’re the sort of student who likes regular class updates or discussions with your professor, you’re gonna hate The Ghost. This tutor seems to literally disappear into the ether, rendering any contact more or less impossible. If they do bother to give out their office hours, you can be sure when you knock on the door they’ll be nowhere in sight. The fact that they even turn up to class is a miracle, but they’ll probably nip out multiple times for a cigarette, leaving their students on their own under the guise of ‘independent study’.
The Grave Digger
Want a decent university education? Whatever! Hoping to pass with first-class honours? Who cares? Certainly not The Grave Digger, who’s so close to retirement that they’ve stopped even pretending to look like they give two hoots (Even one hoot would be too much for these guys). They’ve been teaching since before Methuselah was in short trousers, and man, does it show. Too many past students have worn them down, and now you’re there, well, that’s just another reason not to get out of bed in the mornings. So deep does the apathy run, The Grave Digger is more than likely to drone you into submission before stopping mid…
Now you should be prepared for uni. If you’re looking for student housing in Lancaster, Durham and Reading, CityBlock can offer you some awesome accommodation. Just get in touch on 01162 517270 or drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.